Total Ownage

As you may already know, we no longer have the privilege of a spacious, cool, at-your-own-time-and-speed set of wheels. This means back to cramped trains that get over stuffed. But we have a way of entertaining ourselves (these chronicles may be published later). Having paid £37, you’d think we’d have some service for it other than a platform where you have to stand for 3.5 hours, and change at 2 or sometimes 3 stops. It’s bad enough when there’s no delay, but at least we won’t be struggling at Taqwa’s leg strengthening tarawees. It really is a privilege to get a seat sometimes, especially when where standing in the part connecting carriages pondering on what a seat once was. Not a few trips back, the 4 of us decided to switch trains and jump into one that was waiting to depart. We got to this one earlier than most people but found all the seats with a “reserved card” on them. Pretty lame joke cards we thought, and sat down. We got ready to laugh together at the people that might come to claim their lame joke cards, and played the 300 scene out loud; “THIS IS WHERE WE FIGHT! THIS IS WHERE THEY DIE! Etc..” for all noobs to hear and know.

Anyway, you really do see some funny people on the train, like the drunken guy who was going on random trains at night and didn’t know where he was going, shouting to the train staff and telling us that Bradford was crap and that we looked like goats (followed by a face screwed up by a funny snigger). Or the guy that went to his reserved seat and saw someone sitting there and said “enjoy the seat” and walked off. Or the time when Da PiGS™ were waiting at the train station and this woman who was going to miss the train ran passed them “I can’t miss this train! I can’t miss this train!” and Da PiGS™ chasing after her and booted her out.

Were students, which means were p00r, so we have to improvise. Any way of dodging the ticket monster means we don’t go hungry for the week. I think it’s about time we perfected the art of barrier jumping too, there’s a stadium not far from us were we could practice running and jumping on the circuit…

You’d expect the onboard food to cost you an arm, or maybe a leg, but surprisingly the M&M’s where cheaper than that of Tesco’s! Having successfully executed operation Tickevade, money to spare bought us sustenance for the journey.

One time, we were nearly compromised. You played Splinter Cell? Remember that mission where you jump in a train and turn the lights of and move through the carriage, grabbing some poor chap for interrogation? Well there we were sitting in our table seats writing down some stuff and planning as usual, when BAM! The lights went off, just on our carriage! Immediately we sent a warning signal through the XPS lights and jumped under cover. It was almost as if the conductor d00d was creeping up, we could feel his breath down our necks. Our hearts sank as it dawned on us that maybe we’d have to fork out a student’s given riches. There we where, staring at the light at the end of the carriage, ready to make a dash towards the ray of hope, all the while keeping an eye out for three green lights in a triangular formation. When thankfully the beams of lightitude relit, rekindling our hopes for a more lavish week as the money snatcher we expected was just in our heads.

Don’t you love it when the train going the opposite direction speeds down so close shaking your train and making the whooshing sound? I used to love doing that with the car to oncoming traffic, I mean no I didn’t, I never did that…!